How much I meant to him!!!

There, the door bell finally rang.
It was almost time for him to return. I jumped up, "That must be Ajay da", I murmured. I paused before the door for a while, took a deep breath and slowly opened.

Yes! Yes! Yes! .. He's here, it's him.
"i love you Ajay", i said as my eyes twinkled. "Its been six years. My God you've grown more handsome brother, so good to see you. Missed you."
"Its the same my lill Princess. I see you have grown old as well. So hows my baby gal doing now?" he asked putting his arms across my shoulder.
"Nothing that great, just too burdened with work." I replied, releasing a huge sigh.

We walked to his room talking about mom and dad. I told him they were fine and they left few hours ago for a conference for there new assignment. "They wanted to see you but they couldn't, the meeting was too important for them to miss." I said.
"Its ok. I understand how important ones job is. I'll see them when they return." he replied.

"For how many days are you here Ajay Da?"

"Well, I guess a week or too. Is it too less?" he answered humbly, scratching his head.

"Yes! its a very short interval. You should not say this to mom now otherwise she might scold you so hard that you regret coming back home." I laughed.

"you little michievious thing, you'll never change. I wonder how mom is handling you now. I'm no more here to assist her. She must be real irritated with you."

"You bet Da. She is most of the time pissed off with me. There are days when she gets so angry that she even refuses to serve the dinner to me." I laughed even harder.

"Poor mom!" he exclaimed.

Me and Ajay Da sat on his bed and talked about how New York was and how he was enjoying his free life there. I still couldn't imagine how he thought life with parents was better than living alone, out of India.
Many times we even argued in the topic of 'which life is better' .. For me obviously it was the life which he was living.

Mom and dad reached home when it was almost 8:30 at night. Ajay Da had already changed and was waiting eagerly to meet them.
As they entered he hugged them together and touched there feet showing respect. I was never like that, may be that was the reason why mom always liked Ajay Da more.

"Man! Do you practice panam there as well?" I giggled.

"Please Ajay, teach this girl some manners. I am sick and tired of the stupidity. She refuses the fact that she is no more a baby now, she needs to learn the basic practices. Tell me, can we make her marry someone with this type of behavior ?" mom said.

"Mom! not again. Marraiges is way behind. I have my dreams. I have a long way to go before that stupid thing." I always hated it when mom said all those boring stuffs about my future.
Was I that old?

*


Next morning I woke up as Ajay Da pulled off the curtains letting the light rays enter my room and knock my eyelids interrupting my dreams.
"Ajay .. Please close those curtains. I hate waking up early." I requested.

"Get up! we are going for our morning walk. Hah! its been so long since I last jog in Mumbai. Com'n. Hurry." He said, pulling off my blanket.

"I so hate you for doing this to me.", I checked my watch. "Oh my god! Its just seven thirty. I annot believe you woke me so fucking early just to make me jog." I said.

We walked along the Marine drive, watching the city wake up slowly. Its been ages since I saw my city so early. It was sunday and as unsual everyone slept more than weekdays. The flash-back reappeared. I saw the same places from where I used to walk holding Ajay's hand. Eating 'warapaws'. Sitting by the side of the sea and throwing pebbles into the water. Felt so good.

"I miss my old days" I said, looking at Ajay. He smiled. I smiled back.

"I miss my lill Princess more who has grown so old now that she no more needs me by her side to be secured." He said, as his eyes filled with water.

"Its not that Da..." I said as I held his hand like old days, "I still need you by my side to be secured. You know how silly I am. I know you are there to save me from my troubles, I'm still your lill baby just like I was." I added.

I said as I saw tears in his eyes. I rubbed them off and asked him why he looked worried.

" Reena, I have very little time. I just wanted to see you guys, see my city, live my life for the last time. I am not going back to New York. I'll spend my last days here in my homeland. I love you my lill sister. Please don't tell mom and dad about this. I'm in the last stage of throat cancer. I wanna see them happy till I close my eyes... "I hugged him tight before he could speak any futher.
I couldn't emagine this could happen. He was my life to me. I could afford losing him.
I told him I couldn't hide my tears from mom 'n' dad, I scolded him for not letting me know about this before. He said that he himself came to know last month.

We came home late so that I wouldn't have to face mom as she would leave for her office.
As we arrived home, he handed over all his account details and will. Gifts for mom and dad and few relatives.
But there was something else as well. Something which made me cry.
"I kept it safe as you gifted me this after you first drawing class, now I return it to you to make our childhood relive again.",he said.

My painting. My painting of my and Ajay together holding hands. My first painting when I was of 7 or 8 years old.

*


5 month later ....

Mom and dad have recovered alot. I cry less now. Miss him very much. The fights.. the agruement of our old days make me cry the most, I can never forgive him for leaving me so soon.
I see the painting, framed, hanging on my wall. I remember his last words and realized how much I meant to him.

NONE OF US THOUGHT IT'LL END UP THIS WAY !

20th December , 8'O clock...


It was morning, I woke up as the sun rays peeped through my window and fell over my eyes.. waking me up!
A usual 'good morning baby!' text in my inbox...It was from Paul !
I smiled while opening it as the sun light fell on the mobile screen and reflected to my eyes...
I replied a usual 'good morning'but like all usual days, he did not reply back...
"He might be busy, he will surely text later." I said, to myself. I never thought that this 'later' could have been doubtful.

I had my usual breakfast and watched tv for an hour just like I do every morning.
Then, according to mine and Paul's planning I started choosing what I will wear for our meeting, as I always hours to get dressed. We decided to meet at the same old park where we met for the first time.. and have lunch together.
It was out 7th year Anniversary.
I was so happy!
I still loved him the same way I used to in the beginning, may be more.
He was just the same 'sweetheart' to me.

He promised me the day before that we would dicuss how he'd meet mom and talk about our wedding.. when we meet.
He got a job 1 year back... He bought his own new well furnished appartment with double bed-rooms and was absolutely settled and ready to take me home with him. Make me Mrs. Resha Watson.
I got all dressed up thinking about all these stuffs.
I heard a knock on my door while I was tying my shoe laces.

"sweetie, can I come in there?" mom asked,

"sure.. come in mum." I answered.

"I see you're all dressed up.. may I know where you are heading to?", it seemed as if she was not at all pleased to see me going out at that moment.

"just an outing mom.. have to meet a friend... will have lunch and return soon..."

"Later! you're not going anywhere today. Uncle Steeven is coming, you have to stay."

"Sorry mom! I can't stay .. I have to go."

"Its an order Resh. I guess you would like it if I force you for this.. so end of discussion.You're staying and thats final."
I argued.

"I will. I will. I will... I tousand times will!", I yelled at her as she moved out closing the door behind her.
I so didn't wanted to stay then, but I had to.

I kicked my pillow which was lying on the flow. I was angry. It was almost time.
I took my phone to call him. The line was busy.
I texted him mentioning that I have some work at home and might be late, and if I am late for more than an hour, then just think I cannot come.

"What is he doin, cant he reply back a single time ?" .. I said, throwing my phone on my bed.

No sooner a minute passed than Uncle Steeven arrived.
I ran down and hugged him as he entered. He walked real slow like he does and sat on the right side of our couch as usual making me sit beside him.

" You've grown so much Resh" he said, " and my God you look so beautiful."
He smiled. I smiled back.

I had light brown hair almost reaching my hips with natural golden strips on them. Ash colour eyes and lips just as red as cherries... I had pale complection and I was 5.8 ...

"how old are you now my lill angel?" Uncle asked.

"I have just become 22 this October." I replied.

" Well well you seem to be growing faster than I though.. Time passes off so fast, I just realized. Anyways, now tell me do you like someone?" as he asked me .. I blushed.
But, before I could speak, mom interrupted, " You can talk about all this later brother, now come let us have our dinner".

"Mom...", I shouted "I'm late already.. I'll have lunch out. I had a talk with Uncle as you wanted, now please lemme go!"

"Ok!", she sighed "but do return as soon as possible."

"Sure!" , I waved her as I jumped up from the couch and ran out of the gate, leaving it open behind me.

I rushed out and forgot my phone in the hurry!
It was almost 1:00 pm and we had to meet at 12:00 sharp. I knew I had to reach before one hour.
The place was in just feww minutes walking distance from my home. I walked faster than I ever did but as I went close, a huge crowd stopped me. Too many people all heading towards the opposite direction.
I pushed them away and tried to move forward.
I wandered why they were all gathered out there, but I knew I had no time to enquire that.
Somehow I left the crowd behind and reache my desired destination. I stepped inside the tiny park but I saw no one.

I checked my pocket, it was then I realized I kept my phone at home.
I was sad. "he might have left.Its 1:15 now and I know he is very punctual" , I thought ...

I started walking back.. after few minutes I reached home. A faded voice of my mom came from the babkground, but I was too depressed to hear what she was saying. I stepped inside my room and picked up my phone.
I was shocked. Not because of his reply, but because of the fact that he did not respond at all.
I was scared then.
I called him... I kept on ringing, twice, thrice, more, even more .. H did not pick up.

I decided to meet him. As everyone went inside there respective rooms after lunch, I left my home without even letting anyone know.
I drove to his place. It was locked. I rang the door bell twice but no one answered. Then opened the door with the spare key which I had.
The house was empty.
I decided to wait there for him to return.

.... 4 hours passed.

It was 5:47 in my watch when I got up, I had fallen asleep waiting in the lobby ..
I went inside Paul's bedroom, I saw his phone.. my messages and missed calls were kept unseen ..

I realized my phone vibrating in my pocket. I took it out, it was Solly, mine and Paul's one and only mutual friend.
I picked it up and got all my answers, why he did not return.

I was shattered. I couldn't have my food for a whole week. I kept on having sleepless nights.. I still have.
It has been more than 4 years ..

Paul died in a car accident near St. Jonny's park on 20th December.. that very day when we planned to meet, and that was what Solly said that day.
I took the wedding rings out which we bought together, he wanted me to keep them both as he was very careless about his things.

I wore the ring which he was supposed to give me during our wedding. Now I'm called Ms. Resha Paul Stanton now...

Souls Attached ♥

It was the third week in my new house,it was tuesday, I was having strange dreams since the second day.
I shifted here when mom and dad got divorced and I had to choose one of them, well I was 19 then and I had the option of being independent.
I was living there at a rate of 500 bucks per week, it was a very compact flat. It had to bed rooms with 2 attached bathrooms, kitchen along with a small dining area, a very tiny store room and a cute drawing hall.
I loved it.
I always wanted to stay alone and I got the chance thanks to my mom.
The walls were well painted and I loved the wallpaper in my bed room it was of black and red with pink shades on it the graphics. My friends always commented that the wall looked real cool!
I was thinking of all this while i was sitting on the edge of my little balcony attached to my bedroom...
It was a calm and pleasant night, but suddenly the weather became violet. A storm arose out of the blue and the wind started roaring ... I got up and stepped inside the room , closing the door behind me.

My life changed a lot in the last 4 weeks, thanks to him, he was always by my side.
His name was Peter. Peter Smith, and he was the sweetest of all time. I met him the first time in the third year of my middle school. I always loved spending time with him...

By this time I realized that it started to rain outside. I enjoyed the sight of the wet town from my window. In that very moment I heard the door bell ring. I slowly stepped towards the door and opened it. It was Peter, all wet and hot.
He came inside and I closed the door. I opened my bathroom shelf and handed over a towel to him. He took it and dried his hair, he opened his shirt while I sat at a corner of my bed. He sat close to me and kept his hands over mine.
The window opposite to the bed was open and the wind and sound of the rain gave it a perfect romantic touch.

" how are you Riyena? did you have a talk with your mum? ", he asked.
" I'm fine sweetheart. I called mum once but her phone was busy so thought of calling her some other time. " I replied.

He came closer and removed the hair which came over my face disturbing the mood, then, he kissed my cheeks. I blushed and my cheeks went red like ripened tomatoes.
Then, I closed my eyes, he pushed his body towards me keeping no gap between us and placed his lips over mine....
I had butterflies flying in my stomach, it was the best feeling in the world. It was just like a dream, a beautiful one.

But then, he stopped. He moved back and said that he loved me a lot and was afraid of losing me.
He said that I wasn't the first girl of his life, he was with a girl named Jane, she was one year elder to him yet looked two to three years younger. They were together for one and a half years but then one day she left him, She left her place and shifted somewhere without even letting him know. He confesed that he has never loved any other girl more than her and he never could. He didn't want me to leave but he did not wan't to hide anything either.

I respected his loyalty,
I promised him that I'll never think of any other guy till I breathe.

......... The next morning, when I woke up, I saw he had already left for his office.
I thought of last night all day and thought how beautiful it was. I missed him. Wanted to talk to him. I called him, he did not pick it. I called again, and again, and again .. NO answer!

Gradually, I saw the sun setting down and the sky playing with all vibrant colours , sometimes red, sometimes orange and sometimes yellow ... A tear rolled down my left eye, just then I realized my cell phone 'beep', it was a text...
it said, " hey Riyena.. I'm sorry I couldn't pick up your calls was little busy, lets meet up this everning, at Madam Luis Cafe, 7;30sharp. You won't believe what happened"
I replied, "ok" and got up to get dressed.

It was 7;15 when I left my house and it took almost 20 minutes to reach that place. He was already there.

As I entered he jumped up and gave me a tight hug. I was happy and asked what happened.
His eyes shined brighter than stars as he gladly replied, "She is back !!!"

Within that single moment I experienced, joy-sorrow-love-hatred-shock-loneliness-pain...
It seemed as if someone just came and torn me apart into two pieces. First time I felt true pain because of 'LOVE' ..

Yet I smiled and said, " Th... Th... That's grea..t ! so, You met her ??"

He smiled ... then curiously answered, "Yes! Yes! Yes! ... I did, and guess what? she still loves me. She had to leave as her dad had cancer and she had no time to inform me.. but .. but now she came back, she came back to me Riyena, she came back.. can you just believe it?"

I wanted to run away and cry but I couldn't, I gathered all the strength I had in me and said, "yeah! wow! congratulations Peter I'm so happy you got her back... you know what? I would have loved to listen to the whole story but I'm afraid I have to leave."

I turned without even listening to what he replied. I reached home after 25 minutes walk. I closed the door and sat on that very place and broke out. ...
I cried till it was late night and I heard my phone ring. I checked who it was, it was Peter.
I calmed down and recieved the call.
I didn't want to cry then, but I couldn't stop as soon as he said 'hello' .. He knew I would be crying. He said he forgot that he wasn't in the same place where he was 6 months ago. He needs to take care of me. I hung up. I was to weak to face all that then.

I week later, the same day, He called and wished good morning. I told him I wanted to meet Jane. I really needed to, I knew what I had to do. He said that he'll bring her to me in St. Jones park that very day at noon. I agreed.
It was 8:17 then...
I tried being strong so that I dont break infront of them, I was going to do a brave and selfless deed after all.
I reached the park when it was just 11:30 am .. I waited till they appeared from one corner of the park.

Jane was beautiful. I was jealous... then, I asked Jane, " do you still love Peter?" She did not reply but I got the answer.

I texted Peter and turned.. I started moving heading towards my home. Jane was all blank but, Peter smiled and took Jane with him.... I never met him again but I kept my promise. He is still the only guy in my heart....



[THE TEXT, which i send peter in the end was:
" the ones whose Souls are attached meet at the end no matter how many tangles you have in life. Her soul is attached to you Peter. Farewell."]

THE LAST HUG !!!

It was 12:15 pm..

My last exam of the term was over.

We all wished each other "happy student's independence day" ..It was the last day of the session, we wished each other happy holiday, but in my case it was not just a holiday or temporary leave... I was parting off from them forever.

I WAS LEAVING !
I was leaving the city, leaving the country, I was leaving India.

It was not only the last day of the session but also the last day in that school .. last day with all my high school mates.
I wished everyone a very happy future, was going to miss them a lot.. spending so many days with them, sharing so much, fighting for all rubbish things.. was going to miss it all.

My friends hugged me, kissed my cheeks, tears rolling on their face. It was a very special moment for me.. One of the most emotional 'n' touching moment with my buddies.

I promised them all that I'll be in touch.
Though I wasn't really sure whether I'll be able to or not...

I looked around. My high school. I was leaving .....
Everyone was there in the huge Assembly Hall enjoying there last day of the session.
Teachers, students, parents...

Yet! someone was missing,
I turned, my eyes chased around to spot his face ..
He was not there.

My friends, they said they were very angry with me as I was parting away from them, but I didn't bother to answer. Instead my whole concentration was on finding him, all I wanted was to see him the last time...

I knew he hated me,
I wasn't important to him, why will he even bother to show himself to me ?!!!
Yet, to me he has always been, he still was important then.
I couldn't afford to leave without seeing his face once ....

I pushed the crowd behind, excused myself from my friends,
I scanned each and every corner, each and every person present out there.
I saw his friends, chatting, having a gala time, laughing and giggling...
But, he was not with them..

WHERE COULD HE BE???
I was desperate to meet him!

I stepped out of the Assembly Hall, I tip-toed to the first floor.
His class was empty as well..
I still had more than half an hour to stay..
I was scared of leaving without even seeing a single glimse of him.

I loitered around the first-floor corridoor for another ten minutes. He did not appear ...
I sat at one corner of the corridoor, rested my head on my arms joining my legs together.
I started to sob ...

THE FLASH BACK..
It started to re-appear,
Firstly, his face, his eyes, his lips, the way he used to hold my hands tight and explain how incomplete he was without me.
Then, the first time when I saw him crying because of me..
I was the one to hurt him so much. He had the right to hate me, so he did.

I was still weeping, was growing more and more weak..
But just then, I heard a voice,

" Don't cry, you don't look good while crying. You're leaving today. You should depart with a happy face so that whenever you remember these days you just get a smile on your face." . . . . .

I knew who it was,
The same voice, the same harsh tone, the same sweetness peeping from the words... the same feel in those words.

IT WAS HIM !!!!

I quickly wiped off my tears with the right sleeve of the blazer I wore ... and looked up.

I tried not to cry but.. tears burst out of my eyes as I saw him.
He stood few feet away from me, his eyes all watery and a red rose on his right hand...

" I love you babe!"
he said,
the same manner he used to say...
That was it, I needed nothing more to go weak on my nees.

He stepped forward, held my shoulders and pulled me up... slowly handed over the rose to me.
then, spread his arms to hold me.

I pushed myself forward and my arms went around his neck as he placed his hands around my waist.. and the time stopped.
It was magical. The noice from down stairs seemed like paling off .. just the two of us.
The sound of our heart beats and the gentle movement of the breeze ..
We stood still holding each other.

I wasn't ready to leave him, but then I realized my phone vibrating.

I let go my arms off his neck and recieved the call..
It was my mom,
she asked me to get down and come outside the gate, she was waiting and it was already late ...
I had to reach the airport on time.
_" I'll be there in few minutes mumma."
I hung up.
I looked up, straight into his eyes.
Till then I knew he did not hate me.

I had to leave. He knew that. He unwrapped his hands from my waist ...
None of ur spoke, our eyes did.

I stepped down the stair and saw him disappearing with each step I take down the stairs.After some time, he was out of my sight. He did not follow me.. I guess I knew why ...
I waved all my friends a final 'bye' ! and stepped inside my car..

I fiddled with the rose he gave, drowned in his thoughts.
I knew I wont be able to see him again ...
But, I loved him and ... I STILL DO...

WHY ???

WHY???

.
.
.

Thought it was all over..
You wished me a final "good bye"
I accepted that it cannot get right ever.. but then..
Why?
why do I still feel Your not yet detached from Me???
1 month back, I still remember that evening, we were over phone..
Fighting for hours ..
Trying to solve our doubt... crying... weeping!!
All that, was nothng, it led to the worst.
:(
You were not ready to understand, as always, you quarrelled, you argued ... screamed,I still tried.. told you everythnig, still youu didn't believe ..
I was all broken from inside, yet I kept on telling you the same thing. " I love you! " .. You didn't beleive ... I cried, you didn't react.. I howled for you. You were still quiet. You didn't speak a word... I was Thirsty for one sweet drop of your love.. but ...
.. I still remember..
Your voice.. First time I sensed hatred in them, I was weak, and tired of trying to melt your rocky heart.
You didn't love me, I still did.

I still remember..
The last word you uttered .. " leave me alone .. Bye. "
I still remember..
The bruise you made on my heart,
tearing it apart..
I still remember ..
You told me to go away. I promised I wont disturb you again..

But then, why???
Why couldn't I erase those memories ... ?
Why? why couldn't I move on?
Why couldn't I part from Your love?
Why was I still missing your presence?
why???

.
.
.
.

You didn't love me. Yet .. I still did.
May be that's the only answer ...
I loved you.

THE LATE EVENING.

Was just sitting on a pavement in the park near by, it was a new moon night.
It was all dark and empty. I rolled my eyes over the whole area in order to find some folks around.
I saw no one. It was a late evening.
It was around 7:30 pm when I checked my watch. I closed my eyes and tried to feel the nature .. The soft, smooth wind brushed against my skin and gave me a superficial shiver within me. I stood still for few moments then suddenly, heard a low sound of someone's footsteps.
Quickly, I opened my eyes to check out who it was. It was a tall, fair and muscular guy of a height about 5.9-5.10.He was of about 23-24 years old. He walked in a very graceful manner, he seemed like a true gentlemen. I stared at him till he came up to me and asked whether he could sit beside me. I nodded my head indicating a yes.
He sat next to me and looked at me, I felt disturbed. I took out my cell phone and started checking out my unread messages. Just after a minute or two, the guy said, "Are you Elisa?" .....
His voice was harsh and his eyes twinkled as light reflected on them.
For few seconds I couldn't speak, I didn't know him, how did he?
Then, I replied, " Do you know me? how did you know my name?"..
He didn't answer. I figured out a wicked smile emerging from the right corner of his lips. My eyes hard on him, my heart skipped few beats. I was scared.
I said, "Why aren't you answering ?'
He was still quiet. I stood up and turned with an intension to reach home as fast as possible, I walked fast, then I started runnning. I looked back. He was following.
The park was at a distance of 20 minutes walking distance from my house.
I was still running as I thought of what could his intentions be.
That very moment I heard some one calling my name.
I turned,it was him, the man had stopped following me now... he stood at a distance of few metres from me, he was gasping.
I cried, " Are you alright? "
he replied, "yeah!"
But, before I could say anything more he pulled a sharp dagger from his jacket's pocket and threw it, me being its target.
I swerved and somehow saved myself from getting hit by the dagger.
I looked at him again and this time I saw anger in his eyes.
He inserted his hands in his pocket again, and this time it wasn't a dagger but a gun.
I was terrirfied then.
I cried out, " please don't hurt me.. I'm innocent !!! "
Tears rolled all over my cheeks, my eyes went hazy.
Just then I heard a gun shot and everything went dark...

That was the last thing I remembered about that evening..

When I opened my eyes, it was day time and I saw that man sitting next to me, I shouted out loud and looked around. I realized that I was lying on my bed in my room. Mom and Dad were standing by the bed..

My mom asked, " Sweetie, are you feeling better now?"
I replied, "I guess yes.. but what is this man doing here? I don't understand.. He tried to kill me last eve. do you people know that?"

Inspite of getting worried I saw my parents laughing when I uttered those words.
It seemed very strange and I asked for an explaination.

Then, my dad answered that this man was the one who was appointed to protect me from few kidnappers, the dagger as well as the gun was shot on them ...because they were the ones who threatened my dad on the phone the night before the strange late evening ....

"I'm still there ...waiting! but, are you ever returning?"

I remeber the time, just as clear as water..
YOU.. ME
ME... YOU ..
how can I forget those days?
Resting in each others dreams at night, and waking up with the wish to see each other once again in the morning!
The days of my dream come true .. The days with the golden shine.. The most pleasing and blooming days of my life. The days of love.. Our days of love !!!
The days when we lived in our own word,
The world of our affection... the beautiful world, far away from hatred and all the evil-like feelings.
. . . .

I wished nothing more, why would have I asked for more? It was more than enough for me!
but people say.. "Nothing lasts long."
It was time for me to face it...
You didn't last either..
You faded like the ink fades off the paper when it is washes by water...
well.. I can say the time acted like the water.. and gradually it washed off all your affections..
You faded..
And poor me, my effort wasn't enough to stop you... it wasn't enough to keep you locked to me !!!
I still remember you said, "I'll never leave you" ...
Where you lying all the while?
how could you expect me to beleive that you were..?
Didn't you even feel like looking back once before leavin?

Still.. My heart can never beleive that you can ever be so heartless...
I still keep faith and wait..
Wait for your returning footsteps,
I still beleive I'll be able to see you coming back.
You will...

but then . . .
I cant ignore the fact that 'I am still not sure!'
And I, observing my state being a rationalist, being sceptic..
say that..
There the question lies..


"I'm still there ...waiting!
 but, are you ever returning?" . . . .

I was named 'The Brown Eyed Gal!'
On the very day I was born..
People said I was lucky to have such Beautiful eyes..
They said It shall deliver me luck, They said It was the thing that made me special, made me different from the several other girls.. !

.
.
.
Now! I object.
neither they are lucky, nor I'm special..

But yeah!
They do help me to shed tears when i'm in pain..
They do help me to see the MEAN world I live in.
They do help me to see how life gets harder day by day .
They do help me to see my mom yelling at me, unsatisfied with me !
They do help me To visualize my friends, and understand how disloyal they are..
They do help me to Sense the Darkness hidden inside the day light !!!
They do help me To read the texts from him... Which says, 'he never loved me'
They do help me to See Him Pass... without even noticing that I'm there..



...

Now say, Are they special??
DO THEY MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE ?????
.
.
.

then Why am i still called, the lucky 'The Brown Eyed Gal!' ?

MY JOURNEY BEING AN ADOLESCENT!

[ This extarct is written by me but you should read it thinking you don't know who the person is, who wrote it ... And a hint, the girl in it isn't a teenager like I am, but she talks about her Adolescence here.]



My Life is a lot different know...
But it wasn't this way from the beginning ...

.. Had my messy days too!
 ....first, it starTed with a lill sentence saying, 'Your not a kid anymore'
I slowly started realizing I actually wasn't . . .
I felt as if the world around me was changing,  but actually the changes took place within.

When I turned thirteen..
I was the happiest n most excited ..
Felt as if I am such a big girl ... though ...
The excitement didn't last long;

as I somehow figure out the changes all around were not going to settle down so easy..
With changes in age, you experience changes of mind.. changes of view .. changes of imagination .. both mental and physical changes !!!
These changes bugged me all the while ..
I turned calm .. Quiet .. separated and lonely!!!

... That wasn't all I was always misunderstood and misinterpreted by everyone ..
It became real hard for me to bear with these hornomal and metamorphic changes which made my state worse each passing day ..
I was no longer a good mixture, neither with kids, nor with my relatives ...
I was frustrated, yet I had to face it all .. :(

..

My feelings..
All this while .. attraction .. love and .. emotions where rock steady by my side, they played along a good game with my poor lill mind..
.. "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!"
 ____ My favourite quote of those days..
I atleast used it 10 times a day because it did explain my state of mind so perfectly.
And so it does for every other teenager ...

During all my teenage it was just my fellow aged friend who did understand me, and no one else.. And now I've seen that it happens with every second teenager ..
...
Anyways turning back to my life ..

I no longer fiddled with my barbies and sat infront of my comp. playing dress up games;
I rather liked texting my pals and chatting online..
I no longer read comics like I used to when I was a kid;
I rather liked reading novels and love stories ...
I was changing. Changing a lot ..

I experieced so much all this while.

GooD experiences, BaD experiences ..SucessFuL experiences as well as experiences of real Disasters ..
And so does every other teenager ..

Then ...
I felt as if I was getting used to the problems and misfits.
I gradually learned to own up.
I had to face it, That's Life!!!

And slowly slowly things started to settle down .. and I started taking life the other way ...
I understood my problems and had my solutions too. I was growing mature..

I'M 26 NOW and VERY SUCCESSFUL & HAPPY WITH MY LIFE.

but,
I'll always remember my journey from a kid to a Lady!
MY teenage !

My Adolescence-
yes!
 ..no other word could define this better.
Its something which encapsulates the whole process of growing old in such a lill term.

...And now I tell you, this was:

MY JOURNEY BEING AN ADOLESCENT!